Mirrors in my eyes

Mirror. I looked myself in it. I tried to define my beauty without the spots, without the scars, without the stretch marks. It seemed stupid and impossible, I grabbed my phone and opened my ever trusty friend- my photo editing app. The deed was done and the result looked surreal. I seemed perfect, flawless even. My hips were voluptuously sexy, my skin as smooth as silk, I looked as beautiful as a mermaid. I finally posted my picture, likes and comment rolled in, the praises I would never have received in person I received it all on social media. Some asked if I was a model. Some guys asked me out. Some girls envied me. I felt confidence rush through my veins. I was filled with Adrenaline. I felt beautiful. Life was good.

Fast forward to the next day, I checked my self confidence meter and nothing had changed. I was still that ugly girl. I felt like a fraud. I felt like 419. This is a scam, I don’t look like that. My curves are uneven. My skin is rough. My complexion is uneven. And I don’t even have pink lips and the Hollywood smile. I felt sick. Life wasn’t good now.

My friend from school saw and complimented my looks. He said yellow looks good on me. I brushed it off, I didn’t feel beautiful. I don’t even look beautiful. He doesn’t know what he is talking about. My negative thoughts about myself lowered my self esteem. My head always bent low. I couldn’t wait for the day to end so I could run under the covers of my bed. I felt defeated. Life was harsh.

Tick tock tick tock. Seconds, minutes and hours passed by slowly, they say a watched pot never boils and now I know why. Finally, I get to go home. Walking along the road I saw a poster which read “looks don’t matter babe”, easy for you to say, you re gorgeous. Life was rose-y now and I could feel the thorns prick me.

I get home and i’m back to my mirror and I say “mirror mirror on my wall, why do I have to be the ugliest of them all.” Well my mirror didn’t talk back obviously. Beauty they say is in the eyes of the beholder, but who is the beholder may I dare to ask. I saw my greatest mistake assuming that those out there were my beholders, not knowing I was the beholder of my beauty. I held my beauty in my eyes which I would only see if I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment without criticizing me. I was beautifully unique and if anyone called me strange I would smile and tell them strange is the new beautiful.

At that moment I thanked the Lord above for this insight and also for mirrors. Mirrors in which I could see His perfect creation. My spots weren’t hideous they were like maps of my journey through puberty, my stretch marks told the story of my weight gain and weight loss and the other scars told the story of a battle well fought.

Now I see life through mirrors in my eyes. That poster was wrong, looks do matter. Just rock your look.

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14 thoughts on “Mirrors in my eyes

  1. Wow, such a powerful piece of work.

    You’re so right, strange and weird is beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, what’s ugly is negativity and the media bringing people down telling them how they should look. Beauty standards change every year anyway.

    Like

  2. Very cool! I generally don’t look in mirrors unless I am going out. I often forget how old I am until I look in that mirror because it’s really about how you feel. I go out in sweats and sneakers all the time and am in my later 50’s. Most people my age look grown up but I prefer to rock my comfy clothes.

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